nearly on the wrong side of history
To get the broad strokes out of the way first, the Seattle Mariners were 1-hit tonight by the Detroit Tigers. They were saved from the ignominy of being 2025’s first no-hit team thanks to Victor Robles hitting a single on the second pitch he saw in the bottom of the first. Logan Gilbert was good but not great, giving up two runs in the first inning and a third in the third.
The Mariners’ hitters had no answer for Casey Mize, who carved them up with his slider and splitter. They manufactured a run in the seventh with a walk, wild pitch, advance on a groundout, and a sac fly (Randy scored, Rowdy hit the fly), but Riley Greene answered back with a solo home run in the next inning that spilled the wind from the M’s sails. Taken all aback and hanging in stays, the Mariners just waited out the rest of the game, and went home with a 3-run loss. But that’s just about all I can stand to think about today’s game, so we’re going to indulge in a time-honored LL tradition and do something else. Today we’ll determine which sea shanty best fits each Seattle Mariner that appeared in this game. Maybe tomorrow we’ll share risotto recipes.
Logan Gilbert:
The Opening Day starter, Logan is used to vaunting success and having his way with opposing hitters. Today his luck caught up with him though, and he was tagged with the loss. But maybe next time he’ll no-hit his opponent, which is why we’re going with the Ballad of Captain Kidd for Logan. The famous pirate was arrested and executed in 1701, but this song hints at his buried treasure in the final stanza, which could be found and used again to terrorize merchantmen.
Victor Robles:
The only Mariner tonight to collect a base hit, and due to his infectious positivity and joviality, Victor is bestowed the traditional Irish song The Irish Rover, a song about a sole survivor of a massive ship that loses its way in the fog and crashes into some unseen rocks.
Julio Rodriguez:
Julio had a mediocre showing today, especially on his first at-bat when he struck out swinging on a pitch in the other batter’s box. But he showed good discipline later when he worked a walk in the 6th. He was also hit by a pitch in the ninth. If this is how the season will go for Julio it’s gonna be a long one, which is why he gets the song Paddy, Lay Back. It’s about a sailor who joins a poorly crewed ship, gets hit a lot, and has to make a long journey around Cape Horn.
Cal Raleigh:
Cal always has a demanding time when he has to both catch and hit, which is why we can excuse him some lackluster games, such as today’s 0-3 with a walk performance. Perhaps we can also forgive the overworked boatswain in Ben Backstay for drinking a little too much and falling overboard.
Randy Arozarena:
Randy is still suffering from his bad batted-ball luck, even as he continues to hit the ball hard. He got on base today thanks to a walk but he needed a little help from Luke Raley and Rowdy Tellez to score. Don’t Forget Your Old Shipmate is the song for him, therefore.
Luke Raley:
Poor old big thunder had a bad day at the plate, going 0-4 and striking out twice. Maybe the storm and thunder have gone out of his bat. Likewise, poor old Stormalong John is dead and gone, but his old shipmates are here to sing about it.
Rowdy Tellez:
As the lone Mariner with an RBI tonight, and since that came from a sacrifice fly, Rowdy gets the Stan Rogers classic Flowers of Bermuda about a captain who volunteered to be the lone soul to stay behind and save his crew from his sinking ship.
Ryan Bliss:
As much as I am a Bliss-head, I am willing to admit that he had a pretty poor showing in tonight’s game, with his 0-3 night on top of him failing to show his usual defensive prowess. That earns him Fire Marengo, another shanty about burying a fallen shipmate.
Miles Mastrobuoni:
Miles appeared in his second game of the season tonight, and was carved through like paper. He seemed out of his depth, just like the eponymous sailor in Johnny Come Down to Hilo.
J.P. Crawford:
The last of the hitters in tonight’s game, J.P. at least managed to turn one of his plate appearances into a walk. Getting on base and keeping the lineup rolling is the main job of the 9-hole hitter, and one thing we know about J.P. is that he can Roll the Old Chariot Along.
Gabe Speier:
A stalwart in the bullpen, Gabe his loved by all his Babes, this writer included, so there’s really no other choice for his shanty than Pleasant and Delightful, a song about a sailor who’s well-loved. Maybe a little too loved.
Gregory Santos:
Recovered from his injuries last year, Santos pitched a scoreless inning in the seventh, despite giving up a two-out single. He gets the much loved song John Kanaka, about a crew that has to work far too hard to keep their leaky boat afloat.
Trent Thornton:
Thorny was a stand-out star in the bullpen last year, no matter what the haters may tell you. But he gave up that solo homer in the eighth, and the clock may be running out on Thornton’s usefulness. It may be best to use him for all the M’s can get and then feed him to the sharks, like the aging steed in The Dead Horse.
Jhonathan Díaz:
Poor Díaz was called up today as the team optioned Emerson Hancock back to Tacoma, and he already had to come in and pitch the end of the eighth and all of the ninth. He didn’t allow a hit across those four outs. But the game ended quickly for him, much like the surprising Peace of Amiens, sung of in Distressed Men-of-War.
Do you have different ideas for a shanty for a player? Or maybe a shanty for a player who didn’t appear in tonight’s game? Please share in the comments! It’s gotta be more fun than speculating about tomorrow’s game against Tarik Skubal.