Today’s topic is a hypothetical one; What if we were in the Big 12? Well, naturally, it would be Cougs vs. Everybody as it always has been! Just because there isn’t an annual history with everyone doesn’t mean there isn’t some potential bad blood. And I want to have some fun breaking down what we would call our games against these foes, both old and new! Here we go:
Arizona Wildcats: “The Litter Box Bowl”
I feel like our games with Arizona have always been a violent cat fight, and there has certainly been some sour orange house cat vs black house cat moments, such as the De Laura debacle, and our current thrashing of the MBB team with wins in 3 out of the last 4 games, including 2 straight W’s AT their home court. One of our more intense rivalries in the Big 12, I say!
Arizona State Sun Devils: “Hell Freezes Over Bowl” / “The Raging Romp”
“Hell Freezes Over Bowl”: Arizona St and WSU have the LARGEST gap in extremes, with one being in the hottest state in the country and the other having some of the coldest average winters (although Iowa State will give them a run for their money).
“The Raging Romp”: Both schools are WELL KNOWN for their partying and strong Greek Life presence, so I think it’s only fair that it be called what it is, a messy romp. Arizona St and WSU games have always been ridiculous— Usually very defensive, and are not the easiest on eyes, to say the least. Both teams have had to battle their way into the spotlight, and don’t care how it gets done, pretty or ugly.
Baylor Bears: “Battle of the Beasts Bowl”
Baylor is a less familiar opponent for the Cougs, with only 6 total meetings in football and 4 in basketball. Across matchups within those sports, the Cougs are 4-3 since 1990, so we have held our own! This one will surely be something like our games with Oregon, with hopefully much less pretentious Nike attitude!
BYU (Fake) Cougars: “The 10 Foot Pole Bowl”
This one is really just due to the fact that BYU has had some really awful events go on in sports with their fans and even their out of the box traditions that I don’t want to get into. Basically, I just want them to stay away and stop using our “Go Cougs” because it’s just gross. Have you seen the mascot? Terrifying.
Colorado Buffaloes: “Rocky Road Back Home Bowl”
So, the doormat of the Pac-12 finally crawled back to the Big 12, and I do reckon it will not be a fun time “back home” for them. Despite what the media will say, history says Colorado will get all the hype and live up to a teenth. But hey, at least they’ll get some TV views, right? And we know how much Deion likes playing the Cougs when they find THEIR way back home to Pullman.
Houston (Stole our namesake) Cougars: “The Cougar Clash” (No, not with two O’s. Can you spell?)
This one’s pretty easy. They literally snatched our mascot from legendary Coug head coach John R. Bender, because he was such a big fan of the mountain cat. Our Cougs lead the series 3-1 in football, so we’re going to call it “The Cougar Clash” until you have the better record, Coogs!
Iowa State Cyclones: “The Crop Bowl”
Battle for the best crops. Wheat, corn, lentils, who does it better? Let’s find out in the trenches. Plus, we’ve all come to love some good ol’ agriculture school beef.
Kansas Jayhawks: “Fight or Flight Bowl”
A fake bird faces a top tier feline predator. Is this really going to be competitive? Could be a snooze fest rivalry.
Kansas State Wildcats: “The Small Town Tussle”
I see this as being a very friendly rivalry, similar to the one with our beloved Beavs, and could envision an alliance formed against the rest of the self-proclaimed “college towns” in this conference. EMAW and Go Cougs!
Oklahoma State Cowboys: “Wild West’s Best”
Which team out in the West is really the best at wearing orange and black? I know my answer! BFFs for life, let’s beat these posers.
Oregon State Beavers: “Pac 2 Championship” / “Brother Bowl”
I would have this remain as our unofficial championship game, or name it for our longtime brotherhood fanbase. Love you Beavs.
TCU Horned Frogs: “The Deadly Duel”
The TCU Horned Frogs have a little too much purple swag going on for my liking, so I would really prefer for this matchup to be in our favor this time. Time to get our revenge on some purple people eaters! (Also, Cougars and Horned Frogs are both quite deadly, so hopefully that reasoning was understood).
Texas Tech Red Raiders: “Pirate Captain Bowl”
This one is a tribute to Mike Leach, and should be every time!
UCF Knights: “Cross Country Clash”
A battle between the state of Florida and the state of Washington? What are we even doing, College Football?
Utah Utes: “Crimson Red Bash”
Haven’t seen a name for this old rivalry before, but I do enjoy playing Utah solely for how much CRIMSON is out there looking vastly superior to the red. Yeah I said it, and our logo is better too! Plus, we don’t reside in a lame, no party, no fun state.
Finally, all the teams! I’d be lying if I said I didn’t secretly want a Big 12 invite, if just so I can see if I was on to something with these rivalries! Which one is your favorite potential matchup? If you hate my bowl names, come up with some more fun ones and let me know your thoughts! Hope you have a stress-free return to the work week and as always, Go Cougs!