Who has the best city? Who doesn’t?
Good morning, and welcome to Selection Sunday where, for the first time in this old man’s time writing for this here website, your Washington State Cougars and their fans will see the best logo in sports appear during this afternoon’s selection show! Woooooooo! As exciting as it is to know we’ll be a part of the festivities, it sure would be a little more fun if the Cougs hadn’t been coughing and wheezing so badly down the stretch. We’ve gone from “Spokane may be in play!” to “Oh, cool. Memphis for an 8/9 game at 10 a.m. PDT. Hooray?”
Nonetheless, Sunday is like Christmas Day for college hoopheads, as well as the millions of folks who are only here for the office bracket contest. You know, the one that Blanche in HR always wins because she bases her picks on vacation spots and uniform colors. This year also marks the first time IN THE HISTORY OF EVER that both my Cougs and Mrs. Kendall’s Dayton Flyers will both take part in the NCAA Tournament. We’re breaking new ground everywhere!
But before we find out for certain where WSU will play, and against whom, we figured it would be a fun exercise to rank the eight possible locations. If you’ve read anything I’ve written over the years, you’ve come to expect any rankings and analysis I provide to be largely subjective, uninformative, unfunny, and substance-free. Well you’re in luck, because this is no different!
I based my location rankings mostly of the following:
- First and foremost – Is it Thursday/Saturday or Friday Sunday? This is important to me and probably three other people! You didn’t ask, but I’ll tell you why. I’m currently on a side-hustle work trip to Reno (again), and won’t be leaving until the 20th, arriving back in the So-called free(ish) state of Florida around 3:15 p.m. I have every intention of watching WSU in-person – EDIT: I’m on the fence, as every time I think about spending money to watch WSU, I am often thankful when I decide against attending what turns out to be another disappointment – and if the Cougs play on March 21, I’m gonna have a pretty quick turn to get out of town the next day! Therefore, Friday/Sunday sessions win all tie-breakers.
- Is it warm? Well, we may have to find some more criteria, as the two ‘southern’ cities are…Charlotte and Memphis??!! My kingdom for a regional in Tampa or New Orleans!
- Is it difficult to get to? I based this on flying out of Spokane, since that’s the biggest city near Pullman. Pretty much everywhere is easy to get to from Seattle via commercial air, as only one of the eight host cities requires a layover.
- How pricey are the hotels? Well this does me no good because they’re expensive everywhere! Well except Spokane because I could just squat in my parents’ house, for a nominal fee of course.
- How’s the beer? This may be the #1 criterion, now that I think about it.
- Have I ever been there? I’ve been to a decent number of cities on this here planet, but I always like finding new places. Oddly, two of the host cities are locations where either I or Mrs. Kendall grew up (she spent her youth in Carmel, just north of Indy). But that’s about it! Other than airports in a couple of these places, I’ve never been to the NYC area, Pittsburgh, Salt Lake City, Omaha, Memphis or Charlotte. Yet I have been to Cape Town, Seoul, Amman, Izmir, Tallinn and Lisbon. If that seems weird, I agree! Still, new adventures possibly await!
Anyway, let’s get to it.
Spokane, Washington
Distance from Spokane: 0 miles
Nicknames: The Lilac City, Spokavegas, Spokanistan, Spokaloo
Bottom Line Up Front: Regrettably, since WSU crapped the bed with both the regular season title and conference tournament title on the line, it isn’t going to Spokane. But we still with the Cougs were gonna be there. But yeah, when you choke, you don’t get what you want.
Why Spokane? They’ve got restaurants! At least three of them! They’ve also got attractive women – and some guys who have likely been accused of workplace harassment – everywhere! Even on the skywalks!
The hair. My god, the hair.
Beer scene: Pretty good! While there’s not much of anything around the Arena itself, there is plenty to choose from within a few miles, especially downtown. NoLi, which is Cougar-owned(!), should always be on the agenda. Other solid spots are Whistle Punk Brewing, Post Street Ale House, Purgatory Craft Beer and Whiskey, and Mountain Lakes Brewing Company.
Salt Lake City, Utah
Distance from Spokane: 546 air miles, with nonstop flight options.
Nicknames: The Saintly City, Crossroads of the West, The Human Whiteout
Why SLC? It’s the second-closest location to eastern Washington, and by far the easiest to get to, outside Spokane. Oh, and if you do go, take your kayak for shelter because apparently they’re not big into indoor spaces out there.
Beer scene: It’s Utah, so I’m not too sure if there are some weird laws like there have been in the past. Further research indicates that you can’t get a draft beer above 5% ABV because of course. But it looks like there are some decent options around the Delta Center, including Red Rock Brewing, Beer Zombies (if it’s related to the one in Vegas, it’s good), Bewilder Brewing and Level Crossing Brewing. Uinta is pretty much the Salt Lake craft beer OG, along with .
Charlotte, North Carolina
Distance from Spokane: 2060 air miles (but close-ish to me!)
Nicknames: Queen City, Mint City, City of our airport totally sucks
Why Charlotte? Well it’s probably going to be warmer than Pullman! Also, Charlotte has food! And beer! And…some sort of giant metal parrot statue? Some sort of giant metal parrot statue!
And Ikea! You won’t find that just anywhere!
Aside: Ever notice how almost none of these ads are shot during the winter?
Beer scene: You have to go a bit west from the arena to get into the beer district-type area, but there are several spots within close proximity to each other. Some spots are Dram & Draught, HopFly Brewing, Wooden Robot Brewery, Hi-Wire Brewing, and Bulldog Taproom.
Brooklyn, New York
Distance from Spokane: 2,174 miles
Nicknames: The Borough of Kings, Crooklyn, DUMBO, Can’t the Nets Belong to Someone Else?-lyn
Why Brooklyn? At least it isn’t New Jersey?
Beer Scene: If you’ve ever thought, “Ya know, I could really go for a vinyl record or two as a pairing with this double popsicle sour barrel-aged IPA”, BierWax is the place for you! There’s also Henry Street Ale House, The Beer Witch, and TALEA Brewing Co. A little further out is an Evil Twin spot, which I guarantee you is awesome because Evil Twin beer – the pride of Copenhagen, Denmark – is awesome. I know this because I once made a run to Copenhagen to get a box of said beer.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Distance from Spokane: 1645 air miles
Nicknames: Circle City, Nap Town, Crossroads City, Mike Pence’s Party Palace (Hours: noon-2 p.m., closed Sundays because you’re a heathen)
Why Indy? Well if you’ve ever had a hankering for Europe-style roundabout driving, head north of the city to the lovely suburb of aforementioned Carmel! You can drive around and around until you run out of gas! If you stay downtown, there’s enough to do in the immediate area that you don’t need to venture very far. Since it’s Indianapolis in March, that’s a good thing.
Beer Scene: Sun King Brewing is an Indy staple, and doesn’t disappoint. I’ve also enjoyed several Taxman selections, and they have a place right next to the tournament venue. St. Joseph Brewery and Chilly Water Brewing are also good. The Slippery Noodle also has some decent beer and a sublime fried pork tenderloin sandwich. You can thank me later.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Distance from Spokane: 1901 air miles
Nicknames: Steel City, Iron City, City of Bridges, City Everybody Left
Why Pittsburgh: They’ve got road signs! And bridges! And other buildings! And, uh, more road signs! It can all be yours with some accompanying house music!
Beer scene: Looks to be a bit spread between a few different districts along the river(s). The Church Brew Works, VooDoo Brewing, Helltown Brewing and Eleventh Hour Brewing are all spots along the Allegheny River.
Omaha, Nebraska
Distance from Spokane: 1151 air miles
Nicknames: The Big O, River City, Omaha: It’s mostly just more Iowa. Sorry.
Why Omaha? If you ever wanted mountain/alpine-type scenery wait I mean the exact opposite of that, Nebraska is the place for you! It’s also where the Reuben sandwich originated, which is worth something to me! Even the people of Omaha are pretty well convinced that nobody really wants to go there, because this ad seems to be saying “You didn’t want to come here but hopefully you got lost and stumbled into town because we’ve got a lot to offer!”
Beer scene: There are a few spots downtown near the arena, and some more that aren’t too far away, such as Upstream Brewing, Brickway Brewery and Distillery, Lumen Beer Company, and Zipline Brewing. However, I looked at the Zipline Brewing website AND THERE ISN’T A ZIPLINE ANYWHERE TO BE FOUND! CAVEAT BEERMPTOR!
Memphis, Tennessee
Distance from Spokane: 1662 air miles (and the only city that Seattle doesn’t serve nonstop)
Nicknames: Home of the Blues, Bluff City, Sorry You Had to Visit This City, City
Why Memphis? It’s the only choice left, and Kabul wasn’t on the list. On the positive side, if you’re a music fan, I guarantee you’ll enjoy this town. Well, I think you will. I’ve never been there. But hey, Marc Cohn liked walking around!
Oh, and if you’re not into music, you can always, uh, go watch some ducks walk out of an elevator?
Even the quacking of confused water fowl sounds better in Memphis!
There’s also a non-zero chance that if I go to Memphis I’ll end up eating my body weight in ribs, and nobody needs to see that.
Beer scene: You’d probably do well to venture past the arena and the Beale Street tourist traps in favor of some places an easy ride share away, such as Wiseacre, High Cotton Brewing, Ghost River Brewing and Crosstown Brewing Company.
So there you have it, one doofus’s rankings of possible WSU game locations. What are your preferences, and why?
The Last Couple Weeks in Parenting
I mentioned that the high schooler went to a drill meet a couple weeks back, and he came home with a declaration. “I found a backup school while I was gone, it’s called Embry-Riddle.” Oh good. Nothing like having a school that charges $63,000+ per year as a fallback option.
But college is still a couple years off. In the meantime, he’s slogging through another semester of honors and AP classes, and Biology is his only stumbling block. Problem is that stumbling block is like the size of the Green Monster at the moment. No offense to the biologists among us, but high school biology shouldn’t be this hard to breeze through with a “B” at a minimum, yet his teacher seems hell bent on making everyone suffer through this particular branch of science. One thing she encourages is for the kids to bring printouts of the slide shows to class. Yes, she basically narrates to Power Point. As someone who’s had to sit through thousands of mind-numbing ppt presentations, that doesn’t seem like a great way to teach!
Anyway, I depend on him to send me a copy of the slides so I can print them at work because they don’t allow him the print the 50-60+ slides at school. Yes, you read that correctly. SIXTY GODDAMN SLIDES PER UNIT OF STUDY! Makes total sense that he’s encouraged to print slides for class but is not allowed to print those slides AT SCHOOL. As is his modus operandi, he always forgets to send them to me, causing me to stay on him. One morning, as he got out of the car, I said, “One word. What’s the word?” I don’t remember his answer, but is wasn’t ‘slides’!!! I corrected him and sent him on his way.
He still didn’t send them, causing me once more to wonder why I bother.
Around the same time, Mrs. Kendall was in need of a new car, as hers suffered an untimely demise. So we went to the car store and got her one, a Hyundai Palisade. The kids prefer her car to my old 2017 beater by an order of magnitude, naturally, to the point where the 12 year-old referred to mom’s new car as a “pimp mobile.”
“Do you even know what a pimp is?”
“No.”
I…believed him?
Later on, he was all excited for some new level or venue or whatever on Fortnight. Afterward, I asked him how he liked it.
“It’s good.”
It was then that I channeled my inner “I WAS YOUR AGE ONCE TOO” feelings, and asked, “but was it bussin’?” (this is a word I’ve heard him use to describe something he really likes)
“Yeah it was bussin’.”
“Well why didn’t you say that instead of saying it was good?”
“I was trying to dumb it down for you.”
oh.
On Saturday, the youngest and I took in a Sun Belt Conference Tournament game in Pensacola. Before it started, I told him that Arkansas State was a 3.5-point favorite over Louisiana, with a total of 151.5. He took the underdogs and the over, and I took the favorites, avoiding the total. It was clear before halftime that his underdog play wasn’t gonna come home, but the total had a shot. At halftime, he says, “the game is already over the over/under!” I said it wasn’t close to 151.5, and he then informed me that he thought the over/under was 51.5. Strange! He’s normally such a good listener!
As the game reached about seven minutes remaining, the kid was looking for the exits. I told him we shouldn’t leave because his over/under bet was still hanging in the balance. Fast forward to 90 seconds remaining, with the score 84-58. He needed 10 points in to hit his bet, and suddenly he was back in! Instead of draining the clock, Ark State hits a 3. We’re alive! The Cajuns hit a couple free throws and a layup, and suddenly we’re THREE POINTS AWAY WITH 50 SECONDS LEFT!
So we both begin screaming for Louisiana to foul. Louisiana does not foul, but Ark State hits a layup. Half-a-point away with 30 seconds left! Now the scrubs are on the floor, and if there’s one thing the white guy scrubs like to do, it’s jack threes while they have a moment in the sun. Louisiana does just that! The ball is in the air and it…hits the other side of the backboard. Again, the kid is yelling FOUL! FOUL!!! They don’t foul. SHOOT IT! SHOOT IT! The backups do not shoot it. The game ends with jubilant Red Wolf fans and a dejected 12 year-old. I feel like I’m raising him right and I will not hear anything to the contrary.
As we walked out of the arena, he said, “Maybe our game will be on Bad Beats.” Maybe, son. Maybe.
Non-Sports
Inside North Korea’s Forced-Labor Program in China | The New Yorker
Workers sent from the country to Chinese factories describe enduring beatings and sexual abuse, having their wages taken by the state, and being told that if they try to escape they will be “killed without a trace.” Ian Urbina reports.